Her mum deals mostly with the kids from her side whilst she meets with her new guy spending weekends in hotels having great sex (apparently) whilst I am truly the single parent thinking about her having the great sex. Btw He also says they wont get by with their adultery! Its a long story between my ex and I, but basically he just left me one day because I wouldnt give him 20 dollars for gas, because I didnt have it, and I wouldnt let him use my car because I only had enough gas to get back and forth to work and didnt have any more money to put in my tank because I paid the bills, I dont know where his money went. A month ago my partner of 4 years woke up got ready for work, was just about to leave when I asked him about meeting to go book our summer holidays he turned to me and said I dont think we should as I dont live you anymore Im leaving you. The only thing I can figure is tha she is very broken. Theres a reason to leave someone. Every morning I wish I did not have to wake up because it is a torture for me to go through the day feeling pain. I think its midlife crisis. I feel like Im slowly dying I tried and gave him everything I had even if it wasnt alot. But there isnt anything other than try to focus on your kids. I actually threw up all morning and had to stay home from work. Barking dogs are stressing him out and him yelling at the neighbours stresses me out. In the past week i have been getting on good with her and i love her 4 kids and am a really good friend of her family.. 2. The GoodTherapy.org Team is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we encourage you to reach out. Of your. 6 months ago my wife of 6 years been together now going on 9 years looks over at me and says she doesnt know if she wants to be married anymore. Sage, yah that sounds like an affair and it sounds like she is admitting to it in her own way. I have decided my happiness is what I need. Too make it short our son had to go with me to pick up her car several times her friends brought her car home once before she drove her car off road through a mailbox into a tree totaled car was able to get past cop because he was looking for signs of alcohol let her manipulate him with a phantom car story and I was not notified until her car was towed to a lot. No they will not. I hope that when and if you do, that you will use this experience to help others who going through some unbelievable HELL!!! But thats just my nature. And you will get there. I didnt even have the pass codes to the credit card or the banking accounts. She was a successful model, creative director of her own clothing line, a television host, lecturer, and mother of a beautiful baby girl. He does almost everything anyone in their 60s would do. Now, she wont even speak to me as apparently Ive never helped her, or understood her sickness in her eyes. I dont know how you move 25 miles away from your son, my daughter left for college this year. Hi Nathan. I am starting to realize no matter how many of her fav mags I buy her or if I bring her flowers or chocolate cupcakes for treats constantly, she will barely even notice let alone understand how hard it is for me to choke it back and make that kind of effort again. The loneliness is also something you will be unprepared for. She threatened the same thing back in 2006 but begged to come back when I called her on it. I just cant believe how active this board appears with people who are going through this. They got a place July 3. I remained strong on the outside and everyone asked how I kept it together, but that doesnt mean it wasnt extremely difficult and the most traumatic experience in my life. I cannot tell you how many exs I have that say they never believed I would ever leave. Im not sure where that fell short, like I said maybe its because I didnt fluff his feathers every minute, telling him how wonderful he was every minute of every day. Can deficits in emotional intelligence explain the negative relationship between abandonment schema and marital quality? He is a sociopath who researched, calculated and executed a horrific crime on another human being with no remorse, empathy, compassion and humanity!! I do recall a few conversations over a ten-year period of him claiming that he needed more from me, more connection or communication. "It is the same thing, over and over with you.". He also had a cop come stand by when he got his stuff from the house . Theyre also communities where you can help other members solve their problems. "We are outside, and it's important.". Two still reside with us. So made loads of effort to make her life more enjoyable. I was devastated! Of course Im sad. He would pick on me for everything in front of the kids. When my kids are with me im fine but when they leave to go home it takes me at least an hour to get my head straight. Psychologists John and Julie Gottman, who have spent decades studying marriage, identified four strong predictors of divorce: criticism . I just want to leave and not hurt him to bad. Keep your mouth closed at all times. Hating him will only make it harder for you to move on with your life and put this marriage in the past where it belongs. I think on diffrent levels most of us suffer with anxiety, depression. Seringes in trash can seringe wrappers in garage or in her car. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how Dr.Mack have helped a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell . I kept with it as I felt so lucky to know someone so unique and incredibly desirable. She was drugged up on pills again . She refuses to answer her phones and when I do get her mom to go there, she refuses to see our child even when I dropped off at her moms which is super close. That we argue all the time and that things werent gona change. But the reality is, I dont want to move to the next phase of what do I do if he doesnt. And the house. Let him feel remorse for a little while and give him the time to miss you and appreciate you once again. How could he just walk out? As the spouse of a narcissist, I am the one with the problemthe one who is too sensitive, the one who cannot take a joke. He told me that mom was sucking on a can while they were on their way to pick up his friend for soccer practice and she was having a problem driving and stoped abruptly in subdivision well she was what learned later what is called huffing a can/ bottle of butane. .. Its just awful. What have I done! When I asked about it he began to av suspicious so I attempted to go look. She use to tell me I was a good man and was so good to her. Hey my name is Derek Im going to be 36 in dec, I have been married for 13 years and with her for 17. We are both in our 50s. Any words of inspiration would be appreciated, although the way Im feeling right now, I dont know if they would be of any comfort. It must be hard especially having little ones. She spent a few nights at his place and on new years eve she drove him home and spent the night. I had to get a lawyer in another town, because of the good old boy club there. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting, pretending your heart isn't broken, or putting up walls so you don't get hurt again. My wife left me in Aug last fall. The older one continues to feed me hurtful stories such as the lock out incident recently and although it gets to me and the ex continues to tell people her daughters just a liar, I have seen enough to know not everything that little girl says is a lie. I am sitting in my home with four dogs and a cat while she is in another state confused and telling me she is no longer in love with me. From a third person view the situation looks as if a woman knew she was going to make that decision and did not have the courage to tell her husband in person . If he was the man for me he wouldnt of left me. It doesnt matter what they look like, the color of their skin, or the gender they identify with. Its been hard. ..I thought it was the alcohol but hes not drank now for 3wks and hes gotten worse! She saw no reason to be together and attempted no solution to work it out. But I love her. I took them back Monday and that was that. You have to understand that this is a painful process, and its going to take time. BTW. I guess Im in the shock phase right now. For many people, abusive behavior and infidelity are signs that a marriage is beyond repair. After thirty years it was very abruptly gone: torch extinguished. That really hurts. I still work full time. It was truly a mistake. I have a personality disorder and I know from info I have from my psychiatrist, John Hopkins U and the Mayo Clinic to name a few that personality disorders do have a genetic component. I dont want to be with someone of that description. Thank you for your response! He wants to separate all our assets already and wants all the momentos in our house. Hang in there, Remember its not you at all, its him!!!! It is a commitment, a promise, a vow to love that other person irrespective of how you feel. You may still love him but being gay is not a choice. She is smart and healthy. Give yourself the time and space to really reflect on what she has done, try some couples counseling, and then decide how you want to move forward. Please seek help for yourself to support you through this process. How so? Straamy2 where are you from? I felt guilty and blamed myself. The visits start again You are not going to die .Your wife who is supposed to love you has been seeing another man no matter what the excuse this is not acceptable. So its interesting that he would say that wasnt good enough for me, that I wasnt there for him all he wanted was for someone to love him and listen to him. I was a stay Hm dad for 3 years and I think it caused the divorce. You can NOT continue to live this way, and I am so sorry you have been going through this. I never was, I dont get it. I dont want to hear oh hes a jerk for leaving or he probably found someone else. Im sad, I want him back more than anything else in my life, so right now I cant think past hoping my phone rings, that he emails me, comes back to me..cause truth is, he probably isnt and I dont want to deal and dont know how to deal with that. My husband made cupcakes for my daughter and every home game for two seasons for four years of high school. Hi Katelyn. Do not allow someone to ever make you feel less or wrong. I cannot deal with that that pain is too big and I am too alone. I am a naturally sarcastic person I will relate it to what I experienced; maybe it will help someone else. Then there is the one thats left out. I was devastated. Your partner doesnt have anything in common with you anymore. The truth hurts us, but it also helps us to move on quicker. 50 steps to see your kid and she couldnt be bothered, now I really lose faith. Then 2017 came and both of the kids are on their own, and I decided to try and retire, and my wife and I committed to working on the intimacy / sex issue again and we even planned a vacation for August which we took and was the first for us together in over 20 years. I have to do some procedures for possible breast cancer and I need to get my insurance going. I was so in love and i realize it now that shes gone. My husband had a very bad anger issue as well actually. You have described your situation and it is exactly as I feel. He ask me to hire someone to put his things in storage. Military will have his butt for Infidelity. So I left him and came back to my house. I continue to find myself everyday, it is a great feeling to get yourself back. In October I caught her sending messages to a guy she met at work, a big fight happened and she wants a divorce now, its been almost two months and I still cant believe whats happening, Im 33 shes 27 we have 4 kids together youngest is only 5 months. He has gone to his friends to see if we can make it work. A cheater will only admit to what they think you already know and usually they wont divulge all the details. I just dont get it.. Why the games? How to cope: If this is the reason for your divorce or breakup, you probably had a good go of it. Me finding pills over and over hidden in her car. .. Ill need it but Ill make it xo, I disagree with your statement about personality disorders. I really am discouraged because the two councilors we have seen have only listened to my husband and not really me! Everything I am not!! My ex husband did the same thing I tried everything and nothing. I do love my husband. On Saturday he told me in no uncertain that it was over and made me feel stupid for not knowing. When my wife announced that she was leaving, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I never wanted any sort of separation or break. . 7 months later the oldest child wouldnt give up on me and finally broke through to her mom that she needed me. I cant understand why they arent questioning this. Sadly we lost him which was devastating then two weeks later got married (already planned) then quickly found out we had a daughter on the way. She told me she left me for four of the reasons you mentioned. So, if you want to give your marriage another chance,watch his simple and genuine video here. He told me in one go that he felt our marriage was over and also that he had been having a thing with another woman for two weeks. Looking for some advise,please. I am in counseling 1x a week and just started a low dose of a antidepressant pill. I did not seek another relationship because I honoured my commitments and the Lord but in 2016 my husband finally disclosed that he was suffering from Cancer. I always thought , feared she may leave me when Im older and it happened! Thank you for sharing. She always eyeballed a house that her male boss was selling. This may have nothing to do with you so giving him some space and trying to be supportive for now might help. You might feel like theres no one who can understand how youre hurting, but thats not true. Dont let her make you crazy. Still working. New Years 2015 she told me it was well and truly over after As she was not happy. He is trying to get your attention before he completely gives up. Her parents were in denial as my wife was they also live 31/2 hrs away which is no excuse when I begged for their support. I am on the fence with how I feel and how much more I want to put up with. What happened was, my ex husbands lawyer kept canceling the hearings, four months later they just dropped the case, by then I was so distraught. You can use our website to search for another therapist in your area by entering your ZIP code here: You might also consider discussing any concerns you might have with your therapist with that therapist directly.

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